i took a walk today.Â the sky was still dark from the storm earlier today and there were branches and leaves along the narrow country road i walked on.Â i’ve walked this road many times; Â i know every large tree, every apple orchard i’ll pass, and every strange looking shack that might be beside the road.
i’m not very disciplined.Â i usually walk when i need time by myself, when i know that i need to spend some time talking to Jesus.Â these walks might start out well — the minute the houses are behind me i start sorting through everything that’s in my head and bringing things before the Lord, but they don’t usually end the same way.Â at some point i seeÂ something that makes me think of something which makes me think of something else and then my mind has completely wandered and at that point i’m so distracted i don’t even think about what i meant to do.
i’m a crier.Â i know this, everyone knows, and that’s just how it is.Â today i started thinking about the two times i left home and how hard i tried to not cry.Â Â i cried the mostÂ both times whenÂ iÂ went to their house.Â the firstÂ time i had to say goodbye to a small newborn bundle of sweetness who i barely knew.Â the second time i had to tell a brother-in-law that i was staying in Germany an extra five months.
now they’re leaving.Â not that it changes anythingÂ for me right now, but it will.Â i’ll go home and want to run across through our neighbor’s lawn to go to their apartment, but won’t be able to.Â now they’ll have a new home, a new set of friends, a new church, a new life.Â andÂ it’s exciting.
but it’s still hard for me.Â and that’s okay.Â
i always did want to visit california.