trying to keep going.

my blog, which used to be my world, has become incredibly lame in it’s silence.  this blog, which used to be the main thoroughfare in the upstate new york blog world, now shows the remnants of something that was once thriving and is now slowly dying.  it reminds me of ogdensburg or massena and all it’s buildings which now sit vacant.

actually, it reminds me of that restaurant in potsdam that sits on the river across from a gas station (lovely choice in location) and has changed its name a bazillion times in the last five years.  it’s constantly switching owners because no one seems to be able to make a restaurant of any sort thrive there.  if i was twelve or superstitious i’d say that there was a curse on the building or it was haunted or something exciting like that.

but i’m not.

scratch that.  this blog doesn’t remind me of that.  it’s neither switching names or owners and you’d have to try hard to conivince me that it’s cursed or haunted.  that’s much too nancy drew-ish for me to believe.

i can only account the silence to busyness or to so much happening in my life that i don’t know where to begin or not enough time to think or not doing any thinking at all or a free computer being hard to find (grow up and buy one, louissa) or to so many things.  i’m bad at disciplines and writing is one of them.  but i’m going to try.  even if it’s a boring entry, it’s good for me.

so here i go.

it’s a winter wonderland or a marshmallow world as my twenty darling students sang a week ago.  i make myself feel oh-so-very-old when i say things like “my students.”  i wore a jumper as my class performed in their annual Christmas program.  a plaid knee-length jumper.  i felt more like a school girl than a teacher.

i talk about the snow a lot.  the snow and i — we’ve got a love/hate relationship.  i’m working on this loving winter thing.

i’ve got a sister who gets married in a few weeks.  another brother added to the family.  another sister moving.  i’m glad she’s not moving far.  just to the next town over.  she’ll have a cute little apartment and will make it a home for her and her husband.  husband.  that’s weird.  she’s going to be a wife and have a husband.

i sat in a little grey car the other night.  we dropped a girl off and he turned and asked me a question.  i instantly started crying while saying, “oh, it’s nothing.”  right.  nothing.  that’s why i was sitting there crying.  he’s never made me cry, but he’s probably experienced conversations with me in tears more than anyone other than my sisters.  he’s a good add-on brother.  those are the kind you want your sisters to marry.  it’s just strange when you feel like a ride home has turned into a counseling session.  i guess i make it kind of easy for him since he always says, “since you’re pretty similar to a certain sister of yours…”  he always knows what i’m thinking and what i’m supposed to do — he’s dealt with the same things in that certain sister of mine for the last seven years.

i sat and listened to a “christmas message” like i do every December in every religious event you might go to.  but this one was different.  i walked away and found myself thinking, “it really is about Jesus, isn’t it.”  i know — major revelation.  but i was encouraged to be like the wisemen — to be foolish with my adoration and worship.

i’m going to a friend’s dance recital tonight.  i like sequins and girly things and i like dance.  it should be fun.  after that i’m to go to a housewarming party.  apparently there’s going to be a bonfire.  has anyone notified these party planners that there’s a foot of snow outside and sitting around a campfire isn’t quite so appealing then?

i love complaining.  i don’t actually mind the bonfire in the snow.  i just like complaining.  i guess i should change that.

i ended work early today.  so i came home early.  and it has been lovely.

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