learning in the silence

it’s quiet in the house tonight.  girls read books & watch movies, a little boy slowly falls asleep, a daddy is already completely asleep, a mumsie catches up on the internet world for the day, and i look at Real Simple, Crate & Barrel, and Pottery Barn.  i learn ways to be a thrifty grocery shopper (quite helpful for my season in life), read about the new 15 minute abs workout (that “really” works!), and admire christmas ornaments, dishes, and stockings.  i’d buy them all for you if i could.

it’s snowing.  i wasn’t quite ready for it to snow.  my mind hadn’t caught up to the calendar and so i had to take a deep breath before opening the front door to a white damp world.

i take deep breaths a lot right now.  i wish i had some profound deep revelation behind all the pauses while refilling my lungs, but i don’t.  all i know is that those few seconds of pausing mean the world to me.

we were all more wound up than usual this morning while we ate pumpkin muffins for breakfast (i destroyed mine while weeding out the walnuts).  jokes about story telling abilities, memories, and personalities were made and i took a deep breath and reveled… there is such joy to be found in family.

i sat behind a desk and continued some mindless duties.  last name, check; maiden name, check; birthday, check — for person after person.  i glanced out my window, listened to the same line being sung over and over, “i love You more than life, more than life,” and took a deep breath and knew…  although i didn’t think i’d still be here right now, it’s okay.  sometimes God knows better than i do.

the pink bundle lay in my arms, the serious eyes locked on my face.  i pulled her a little tighter, told her she was beautiful with a little more meaning, and took a deep breath and felt…  my apathetic, unfeeling heart, suddenly feels while embracing a delicate one –  it’s awakened by newness of life.

some may say that you need to find yourself and who you are, but i say that you need to find God in who you are and where you are.  and that’s what i’ve been doing.  i’ve been looking for Him where i’m at and finding His fingerprints in all these moments.  i know i’ve been quiet recently, but i also know that that’s okay.  all this pausing and refocusing and realizing and experiencing — it’s in these moments that all the good knowledge and fresh truths that my head is full of trickles down to my very being.

so forgive me if i continue in this art of much silence and more breathing.  i need to understand what can be found in those moments of pausing though.  my soul needs to experience some freshness from God.

God will not be behind-hand in love to us: for our drop, we shall receive an ocean. – thomas watson

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