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confessions.

1. i can’t sleep. but i’m tired. i lay in bed and all my past sins come to haunt me. i feel the guilt and shame all over again, but i don’t do anything. finally, i do what i know i should’ve done the minute this all started. i grab my bible, journal (my real one you silly goose), and pen and head for the family room, where i can have a little chat with Jesus.

2. i’m seventeen. i still have a piggy bank and i put my change into religiously. not only do i still have one, but i bring it up in conversations. and not only do i bring it up in conversations, but i think that all this is quite normal until my older sister starts laughing (very hard) at me and my piggy bank — which actually isn’t technically a “piggy” bank at all. it’s more like my “elephant” bank.

3. i’m a very insecure person. but this shouldn’t be shocking. isn’t everyone, in their own way, a bit insecure?

4. i say i hate everything emo, but in fact that would be a lie. there is a bit of room in my heart for emo music… i’m missing your laugh, how did it break? and when did your eyes begin to look fake? i hope your as happy as your pretending…

5. i do believe i struggle with jealousy. no! not the talented louissa sinclair! yup, me. but if you just go back to “confession #3”, i think you’ll see the root of this problem. this whole “jealousy” thing is just a recent revelation of mine. so i figured i’d tell you — give you something else that to make fun of, right? : )

6. this is my third post today (well, actually, it’s friday right now, so technically i posted twice yesterday and this is my first post today. but that’s going a bit overboard, don’t you think?). good Lord, louissa! can you please just do us all a favor and get a life? just remember, i didn’t ask you to read this — you’re doing that on your own free will.

7. one more. the whole mirror thing… it really isn’t that big of a deal. i just felt cool for five minutes after recieving the e-mail telling me my picture had been accepted (as well as thousands of others). and no link to a picture of myself this time. something must be wrong with me.

6 thoughts on “confessions.

  1. 3. i’m a very insecure person. but this shouldn’t be shocking. isn’t everyone, in their own way, a bit insecure?

    Yes. Even those of us who appear very outgoing, take on solos and enjoy them, and don’t mind being on stage. Even we are a bit insecure–and even about those things. “Will they think I’m being prideful or too forward?” “Will they be jealous?”
    give you something else that you can make fun of, right?

    Yes, I care what others think of me. Sometimes I wonder if I care too much … or not enough. I never can tell. And it’s usually after that moment that I say, “Just do it!” and do it … that I end up thinking I shouldn’t have … that I perceive that someone took it the wrong way.

    Yikes, this was supposed to be about your insecurity, not mine! Just trying to empathize.

    … there I go again …

  2. hey you and Claire really need to hook up and talk about your banks… hers is actually a pig, but mine unfortunately is a SHEEP! I mean really, what were my parents thinking?

  3. insecurity is huge. hahaha recently i’ve been insecure about showing a friend how insecure i am because i thought she liked my supposed fearlessness. i was torn i thought if i talked about being insecure to her she would immediatly be unattracted to me. isn’t that funny?

  4. The mind of insecurity is a a battlefield of secon guessing and self doubt. It is a war against an over active “theory of mind” (which is the way we percieve what other people think about us) It is self antagonism and it is a tool of the devil disguised in sheeps clothing as humilty.

    Devil; steal, kill, distroy
    God ; build, cheer, stirr

    Which of these sounds like the root of insecurity. True humility is laid in a foundation of building others up not tearing ourselves down. And the truth is, although I know this with my head I am constantly struggeling to get my soul to subit.

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