people always say that you go through an “awkward stage” when you’re young. the age always differs depending on the individual, but it’s usually around 10-14.
i feel like i’m going through an awkward stage all over again. and i’m not 10 or 14. i’m 17. i’m supposed to be cool, confident, and have it all together. and yet i find myself trying to figure out where i fit, how i’m supposed to act, what i’m supposed to be doing… and it gets a bit tiring every now and then.
during the week of chris’s death, a father from the church came to me a few different times to thank me for watching out for his daughters; for being his girls friend. he told me that i was a strong girl. i wanted to tell him that i really am not. i try to be strong. i try so hard, but i am weak. and i hate it. i am supposed to be the girl with everything under control. i am supposed to hold my own and help others do the same. remember, i am “perfect” and that’s how everyone should see me. they should never see my faults or how pathetically weak i can be.
it’s a horrible fault of mine. i just want people to see Jesus through me, even as i walk through my daily life, yet i’m always trying to do things on my own.
on a lighter note, if you want to get lots of comments and be the center of many conversations, just do something different with your hair. it doesn’t even have to be all that different — just straighten your hair. you get lots of feedback when your not even looking for it. for all of you who don’t like it, don’t worry. it’ll be wavy again tomorrow.