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here and there

i know a lot about this Christianity thing that i’m trying to live. and one thing i know is that knowing is very different than doing.

last night i finally did something i should have been doing for sometime now. i shared part of my testimony; i shared what the Lord has done in my life; i shared where i’ve been in the past and where i am today; i shared what i’ve been freed from. and oh! how fooish i felt, standing in that crowd of people, finally opening up, crying, and somehow trying to follow through with what i felt the Holy Spirit was telling me to do. i finished, they clapped and praised the Lord for what He’d done in my life, and i still felt incredibly dumb.

after all, i am Louissa Sinclair. i have everything together in my life, nothing is ever wrong, and i never struggle. well, at least that’s how some people see me. a girl i’ve grown up with came up to me afterwards and was able to talk to me about what the Lord was doing in her heart. why, after knowing each other for eighteen years, did this finally happen? because i had been honest and as she said, “i was like, ‘oh my goodness! louissa struggles too…’ i felt like i suddenly had a connection with you.” another girl asked me to pray for her. as i had shared my testimony she realized that i had gone through the same thing she’s going through.

needless to say, i’m confident it was the Lord. i’m far too prideful to voluntarily humble myself in front of others and really share my story. i knew that it would be difficult and i knew that there would be tears — and i don’t like that at all. but as i stood there last night i knew that i had to do it and so i did. apparently, it wasn’t in vain. and i’m very thankful for that.

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i took a walk today. as i walked on North Street, i passed a lady working on her yard. from behind me i heard a gasp and the lady cried out to me, “are you the one who sang at my church?” i told her i was. she then said, “what happened to your hair?!” she assured me that she liked my “new cut” but loved my long hair.

goodness. she saw me for a total of 45 minutes that one sunday! i’ve decided that people get altogether too attached to hair far too quickly.

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sorry for all the confusion i’ve brought concerning my subscription list. i decided to humor my friend for at least the next few days by organizing my subscriptions to his liking. i know, i’m such a nice person. and i did this after he harrassed me about “hacking” my hair off and then he went and posted a ridiculous entry on my xanga.

again, goodness.

19 thoughts on “here and there

  1. josh is a dork. (sorry, josh,)

    but i do rather love your long hair too.

    but short hair is cool.

    i almost went last night – maybe i should have. i love you.

  2. Hey. Thank you so much for your letter. I got it yesterday. I sent you an email but I’m not sure it I have your right address. See you very soon!

  3. you make me smile, dear louissa. the woman who gasped about your hair wasn’t attachted to just your hair. you are magnetic and people will cling to whatever part of you they can. she chose your hair, others choose your xanga! and its all because of how easily the love of Christ shines out of you.

    oh and happy (really, really) belated birthday!

  4. you rock this world.
    I wish i could have been there. But God did a fabulous work in my life that night, I got spiritually disciplined if you will, and that set me free from my pride and other issues.

    Thankyou for your example.

    Pete

  5. I shared a part of my testimony in church over a month ago … we’re a small group … probably about 80 or so people … there’s me … up front. … blubbering my eyes out about my life and how God has placed his hand on me …. good times. SOOO many people came to me after and said, “yeah, I’m dealing with the same thing” … it was amazing. I had no idea that others would understand where I was coming from. The power of our testimony in the Lord is an amazing thing!!

  6. was that Mrs. Boula that you talked to on North Street? :p

    I can get you (and hopefully more people from your family) tickets to the show, but they don’t reserve a specific seat or anything, so you’d still have to get there early. it’s not a big deal either way. ($6 each)

    okay, wasn’t it hannahbug or something? gosh, i thought i went crazy for a second! i suppose i’ll have to use another means of communication other than xanga. hm… do phones still work the same way that they used to? 😉

  7. ah, that makes much more sense now.

    i would love to come with you saturday! but, i don’t think that i can. i’m going friday night after musical practice (with colleen) and then saturday i’m going to nikki smith’s house (right across the street from you!) to work on musical stuff with the rest of the doo-wop girls (probably not libby though- she’s not getting along with any of us too well right now- i’ll tell you more later). i can’t believe it’s only 9 more days! eek!

    oh, but if colleen wants to go on saturday i could probably switch the girls night to friday… hm… i’ll talk to her and let you know. 🙂

  8. I had a splendid time speaking with you as well. I trust we shall be able to do it again sometime. I just watched Pride and Prejudice (2005) and I LOVED IT! hehe, they sound so beautiful as they speak, so proper! Talk to you again soon I hope!

    God Bless You: AnDi

  9. okay, i talked to the girls and saturday should be fine for the musical- keep the tickets! colleen and i will be there. 🙂

    i’ll think of the details later… off to english now!

  10. haha! wait.. umm, i’m not laughing at you… 😉 i figured it would be 7:30 or 8. do the tickets reserve a specific seat? ’cause we’d want to make sure we got one for colleen with us, but if not then we can get it at the door. 🙂 and you and colleen aren’t answering me about dinner first… is that a bad idea or something?! haha 😉 i thought it’d be a good idea to get some talking out before the actual show.

  11. I think that the thing with long hair is that it something that people associate with women and short hair is something people associate with men. Most women I know with long hair I like it. I could never have short hair. Plus my husband would never go for it. The thing is the more you think about it and make a big deal about people saying something the more they will talk about it. If you ignore what people say and don’t worry about it they will eventually stop talking about it. If you are happy with what you did then don’t worry about what others say.

  12. If we would just all understand that humbling ourselves like you did and allowing people to see the real us will minister so much to others. Time and time again I have seen it. James says to confess our faults (weaknesses; struggles) to one another and pray for one another and there will be healing. Far too often we are proudful and it hinders God’s work in our lives and others.

    Thank-you so much for being brave and obedient. : )

  13. Wish I could have been there. And by the way- I couldn’t stop laughing at your “not yet”. This just struck me so funny. An indication of what is to come…

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