last night i called home.  after talking to a daddy, a sister, and saying hello to a little boy, i said a rushed goodbye since that annoying lady intruded to let me know that i only had one minute left.  i came back to a school and to a bedroom that was empty.  i picked up my newest friend, oliver the bear, and cried.

i sometimes feel very lonely.  i sometimes wonder why i didn’t pick a Bible school in the states.  i wondered last night why i felt such peace in a place thousands of miles away from home.  i asked God why Germany, why this Bible school?  i wondered if i would feel this peace in a different school — one maybe a little closer to home.  i asked why my other sisters moved only nine hours away from home and i had moved eleven hours of airtime away from home.  why had i decided to come to Germany anyway?

i found myself asking God if He was enough for me to get by for the next seven months.  i asked if He really would satsify all my needs.  i asked if He really had directed me here.  but if there’s one thing i’m learning while being here it’s that my faith is not determined by my feelings and emotions.  sometimes i have to choose to believe what His Word says.

i don’t want you to think that i’m always feeling like this and asking these questions.  last night was just hard.  you know that i love being here — i know you do since some told me over break that they stopped reading this because i sounded too happy and content here at bodenseehof.  last night i just missed home… terribly.

– – –

after logging into the newest online obsession (not my obsession but the worlds) i stumbled across a list and the title was “You know you’ve studied abroad in Germany when…”  i had to post a few since i could relate.

1. You have sorted your garbage into at least 3 garbage cans and you know the difference (or should know the difference) between “Gelbe Sacke” and “Restmull”

i thought we did pretty well when it came to recycling and garbage in the north country until i came here.  in my bedroom i have two garbage cans and at the end of each dorm hall there are three different garbages.  i’ve learned that having only two and three is simple since some people have even more.  it’s amazing.  but i don’t know what Gelbe Sacke is or Restmull.  guess i’ve got some work to do.

4. You get excited that CNN is in English.

when out in the German world anything English catches my attention.  i got so excited when i saw an American army truck one time.

8. You’ve ever been stressed out at the grocery store while checking out, and have noted that you will never take “baggers” for granted ever again.

they don’t have “baggers” and the lady checking you out never helps you.  once you’ve given her the money she starts checking out the next persons items and suddenly that persons stuff is getting confused with the items you haven’t bagged yet and everyone gets annoyed with you and it’s so embarrassing and they always know that you’re American and somehow that makes it worse.

10. You’ve watched the Simpsons in German and hated it.

okay, i’ve never watched the Simpsons in the US so why would i in Germany?  but while on outreach once i watched The Gilmore Girls at my host home and although it’s not even a show i watch at home i was completely annoyed the whole time.  i couldn’t even finish the show — i had to walk out.  try watching something you’re somewhat familiar with (or something you know very well) and not be able to understand anything and have all the voices be wrong.  fer-ust-er-ating!

18.You know the difference between Milka and Ritter Sport.

both are chocolate bars that we devour here at school.  Ritter Sport is my favorite and i think it’s so much better (although others would debate that).  got that, family?  Ritter Sport is the best.

20. You’ve ever been totally confused on how to open any and all windows/doors/locks.

just come here and you’ll understand why they’re so frustrating.

5 thoughts on “missing

  1. hey…I miss you alot! I am sorry you are feeling lonely…I am praying for you…and I am still going to your site daily(ha ha)…can’t wait till you come home…when we can just ride in my vehicle and listen to Keith Urban…with the sunroof open…be strong…miss you…from the other “push-over”–which by the way–I am not anymore–

  2. you know what’s funny? last night i got home from the salon, and was checking my feeds, and when your site showed a new entry, i was immediately so overwhelmed with missing you. and then i read it, and you were feeling the same!

    i know you’re happy over there, and are experiencing the Lord. but it’s also starting to feel like av really long time, and not just a trip to germany, you know? so it’s a little bit sad.

    but a little bit happy to have such a nice sister. 🙂

    ramble ramble.

  3. Hey!
    I’m just checkin’ up. I’m sorry that german tv isn’t so hot, I can’t really get into american tv much anymore if it’s any consolation. Partially because of time restraints and partially because of bad reception but thats beside the point!

    I hope you are well and you are stayin’ warm *a couple days ago we had a high of 9 degrees, a lil’ nippy. :).


  4. i love you & miss you! it’s totally understandable that you feel lonely sometimes. i can relate and i’m not even 7 hours (flying time) away. don’t worry, you’ll be home in no time and i’ll do my best at taking care of your siblings as “your replacement” 😛 while your away 😀

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