another weekend done.Â the double-decker bus left our small parking lot this morning.Â many hands were waving and a few tears were being shed by those departing and the small group huddled on the parking lot in the damp gray day laughed and made jokes — something that you probably shouldn’t do when there are emotionally distraught people saying goodbye to you.Â but they love us so it’s okay.
i received an email the other day and i sat here in the staff office and cried.Â it was so lovely, it was so sad, it was all about change and you know how much i hate change.Â when i go back home things will be different –Â people i expected to still be there won’t be anymore.Â butÂ no melancholy posts, right?
i sometime wonder if you’ve adjusted to my being gone and don’t think about it as much.Â i think i’d understand if you did since i did it when i was home and others left as well, but i’m suddenly realizing how different it is when you are the one to have left.Â you never forget and really adjust to being gone — i’m always very aware of this change.
i’m in a place in life that requires constant giving.Â i just don’t feel like i’m taking enough in for what is being asked of me.Â many time i’ve found myself whispering, “Lord, where are you?”Â i feel alone and i wonder what is the purpose of going through those “dry time”.Â i want to learn, i want to grow, i want Him to speak to me, but i feel like it’s not happening.Â the paradox is that never have i been so consistent with my Bible reading and reading Christian books.Â i’m far too aware of the responsiblity that i have to “feed myself” and i’m trying as hard as i can to do so, but it feels like nothing is changing.
i love the people i’m surrounded by — this Bodenseehof “family” that i have.Â i’m grateful for all that they do for me and i know that they are wonderful people.Â but i think today i could use a daddy hug and a kiss from my mumsie dear.Â yes, that would be lovely.
so much for my “not melancholy post”.