i felt a bit like Kathleen Kelly today. you know the part — she’s in her apartment preparing some sort of goodness to eat in a black mock turtleneck top and a dark green jumper and she turns to Frank and asks, “what exactly is it that i do?”
i asked the same question. only i was in my candycane striped pajama pants and my “Right Left” sweatshirt and i had plopped myself beside my mumsie in her bed and started to question where i am, what i’m doing, my lack of plans for the future.
really all i was wondering was, “am i making my life count?”
and the question that i needed to hear asked back was, “count for who?” count in the world’s eyes — be the scholar it tells me to be, make the digits it says i must for a happy life, get the car, the house, the dog, the two kids, and the white picket fence — or count for eternity?
i’m no Einstein — in fact, i practically failed through my pathetic high school career of mathematics (although i hear he didn’t do much hotter), but i’m starting to figure out my want of approval from man (really, sometimes i feel like it’s more than a want — it’s a need) and how quickly i turn from my gaze being on what He’s called me to. the world is selling me dreams and ideals of what a successful life looks like and i must confess that i’m a quick buyer.Â i forget to look at what He says and to decide to do that instead.
and where are my desires? where are my longings being placed? i have dreams — oh, i might say that i don’t because i think them rather pathetically small and won’t want to admit to them, but i do dream and where do my dreams lie? in receiving praise, admiration, respect here by man or pursuing Kingdom goals — even if that means that not everyone will understand?
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6)