she was in the hallway the other day while waiting for a meeting.  tiredness had replaced her usual energetic love for everything around and she stood awkwardly still, hands clasped in front of her, while i casually asked how her day was going.

she answered, “uhh… not good actually, but that’s okay.”  i hadn’t really been expecting that.  i said i was sorry and smiled.

i smiled?  yes, that’s what i did.  i said, “i’m sorry to hear that,” and smiled.

her eyes moved round my wild mane while she said, “your hair.  it’s so breathtaking.  so beautiful.  i love it.”

i smiled again.  i asked if i could get her anything while she waited for her meeting and she said she was fine.  then i turned around and walked back into my office.

she had a stroke today.  they’re calling it a massive stroke and although i don’t know much about medical terms, this simple yet huge word makes my brow crease in worry.  she lay in a hospital bed unresponsive to the world around her although that world includes a mother and a sister.

it’s not the first time i’ve heard of some misfortune and she’s not the only woman i know who needs a miracle.  but this if the first time that i woke from a sound sleep to hear my mums in the adjacent room informing my brother of the stroke and then be unable to fall back to sleep.  and this is the first time that i lay in bed and cry for the situation of a woman  i see every sunday but who i don’t really know.

my phone vibrates beside me.  i grab it muttering something (not pleasant) about people with the audacity to send texts after midnight.  i open the message only to find Bible.  a text with two verses in it.  it’s from a girl on the other side of the states who i’ve never actually met (long story).  she has no idea that i lay in bed crying and saying that i’m just tired of all the heaviness i see around, but those two verses speak my heart.

“Open your ears, God, to my prayer; don’t pretend you don’t hear me knocking.  Come close and whisper your answer. I really need you.” — Psalm 55, The Message

i don’t understand a lot of things — i don’t understand why life isn’t fair and i don’t understand why God doesn’t make this plodding through life easier.

but i do know one thing.  i know that His answer to me right now is that if He notices a small bird fall, He noticed Linda today.  she didn’t fall under the radar and He hasn’t forgotten all about her.

so i give it to Him — not that it was much to keep.  my frustrations and worry and Linda — i give Him what He’s holding already.

“Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders-
He’ll carry your load, He’ll help you out.
…and I trust in You.” — Psalm 55, The Message

He sees.  He knows.  He carries.  we trust.

please, if you think of it, pray for Linda with me.

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