today was… today.  at one point i said i hated it.  another time i exclaimed that i loved it.  with head in my hands i cried and said, “it’s just hard to love Jesus when you don’t love much about your life.” (selfish, i know).  this evening my fingers played my prized possession and i sang a few songs in anticipation of this upcoming sunday morning celebration and wondered if i’ve ever loved Him more.  i had planned on doing much and remembering much and dragging everyone i could get along with me tonight but in reality, tonight found me not wanting many around and the desire to stick close to home (okay, so having a car in the shop might have helped that a bit).

have i ever had such a confused day?  i cried and i laughed and i grumbled and i praised and i wanted busyness but did quiet instead.

the good news is that i wore the shirt that brings joy to my heart today.

yes, that one.  giant body flop.  there are so many reasons it brings joy, but on days like today when i myself am steeped in confusion, it’s wonderful because it causes everyone around me to be confused as well.  wondering if my theory works?  put it on and walk into the madrid bank.  trust me, it will work.  especially if you’re me.

i visit this bank once a week.  at first i found this job a bit intimidating since small town cliques can be so hard to break through and everything about that place is a huge part of my small town-ness.  and the real intimidating part?  every single lady there knew exactly who i was and everything about my life and i didn’t know a lick about them.  but at this point, after a year of these weekly visits, i’m the queen of small talk, know they’re names, where they went on vacation last year, and all about their opinions on not “spreading siblings out too far” (score for louissa — she’s on in the “in” of this clique!).  so, the tellers know me, i know them, they’re usually a bit amused by what i walk in wearing (these conservative ladies give me the up-down 99.9% of the time), but today all four women gave me a shocked/double-take.  i’m guessing it was the shirt.

or maybe it’s just that this shirt inspires me to do crazy things like my spread my arms out and run around like an airplane.

yes, maybe that’s the reason for the double-take.