By 10am I was ready to curl up in a fetal position in bed and be done with the day.
That is how I retreat from the world and also from myself.
And today, I really just wanted to ignore myself. And remove myself from the presence of everybody else I may have to come in contact with. I figured if I was annoying myself so much, I must surely have been driving everyone else completely insane.
You see, by 10am I had snapped at my Baby while trying to cut his hair (the poor child didn’t even know his constant movement was causing major errors on his head and little slices on my fingers), had a bad attitude about how quickly my house dirties (get a grip, Louissa), and was ready to throw one big pity party for myself (“If only I had two uninterrupted hours to get some deep cleaning done! Ah! My life is so hard!”).
I know, a bit on the pathetic side.
I love how God deals with me. I’m guessing He deals with you a bit differently since you tick in a different way, but He never seems to address things in an in-my-face way. By noon I found myself walking around my house, singing to a screaming child (molars, I hate you), and I felt a soft reminder come to me…
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves…”
This mothering thing is one long 24 hour, 7 days a week practice of this.
And let’s be real: a baby was the biggest intrusion on my schedule, my space, my time, my wants – you get the jist.
And a baby was the best means to be reminded that wow, this life I’ve been given is not about me. I’m here to be Christ’s hands and feet. I’m here to serve.
And let’s be real: is there a cuter human being for me to serve every minute of everyday?
I didn’t think so.
And thank You, Jesus, that Your mercies – new mercies – abound. I’m reaching for them, putting a smile on my face, and gonna go let the Baby splash around in the tub. That will make him super happy.