tests and tears and busyness

my head doesn’t feel like it’s been screwed on properly for the last 24 hours and although all the writing mistakes that have been made since then would dictate that i should not try posting right now, i find myself with a free evening and a blog that needs an update so i will.

the yearly CAT tests are being given to the homeschoolers tomorrow morning. a little boy had a prompt bedtime tonight and promises that a mums would show him tomorrow morning how to take the test and sisters are about trying to ignore their favorite mechanical pencils sitting on their shelves while the hunt for No. 2 pencils continues. who uses regular pencils nowadays anyway?

i remember the night before my CAT tests. the first few years i was paranoid about eating a good dinner the night before, sleeping well, and enjoying a well-rounded breakfast before leaving for the morning. i remember the knots in my stomach although it was mostly because i knew that i was in for the longest few hours of my year. i knew that doodling was up ahead, sharing a few whispers with my neighbor, and trying desperately not to get scolded for taking the test too quickly.

it was boring. thank the Lord i don’t take them anymore.

i cried today as i sat at a wooden table in a coffee shop and talked to two guys who i normally wouldn’t cry with. they hadn’t asked anything terribly personal and they hadn’t requested that i bare my soul. i had simply been asked to share what i had been reading in the Bible lately.

little did they know of my recent struggle with accepting God’s answer, “My grace is sufficient.” one of the two that sat opposite of me is one who i’ve been praying for and one of the ones who hasn’t seen healing in their life.

he had tears in his eyes as i cried and talked and vented and told of God’s goodness to me despite my frustrations with Him. the other simply nodded his head in understanding — he has a good understanding of sinclair girls being emotional and a good understanding of where my feelings were coming from.

and they were fine with my tears. so why did i feel so embarrassed?

i am going to watch a movie in it’s entirety in one sitting right now. i’m determined that it will happen. the other night i went to watch a favorite of mine and couldn’t sit through the whole thing. what happened to Louissa being so laid back? i rather have a freak out when i finally do have an evening with no meetings scheduled. i’ll vacuum or clean something or read a little bit (one of my favorite past times), but none of those things hold me.

after all my complaining of being too busy i find that i rather like it.

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