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leaving

we all were busily getting ready for dinner — one was gathering the babies and another was telling everyone to go outside and get ready to eat. he was out at the grill with the ribs and she was quickly finishing up the steaming of clams. everyone was talking and everyone was moving. i ran upstairs to get sandals for our little girls feet when her mother passed by and casually said, “so you’re accepted, huh?”

my heart skipped a beat and i’m sure my eyes got wider. “did i what? did i get accepted?” now perhaps my being so surprised seems rather silly to you, but there was the chance that for some reason, the director of the school would look at my application and decide that they don’t want me or that it was sent in too late. i guess not.

we searched for hours and with the help of daddy and a brother, a ticket has been purchased. i leave the country in a little over a month. i’ll be half-way around the world for six months. and never has there been so much excitment inside me while at the same time such an ache in my chest.

when it was done, he looked up and said, “so that’s it. you’ll be gone. but it’s only six months and you’ll come back still our little girl.” and i realized just how hard this will be for me. i’m not the one who’s supposed to leave. i’m the one who stays at home and watches everyone else go off on their adventures. i’m the one who is supposed to be the sinclair child who stays in the north country. i’m supposed to stay with my family.

tonight i said i was thankful that i knew what the next six months look like for me. the Lord knows what He’s doing and i’m determined to trust in Him. He really will direct my path — He’s guided me up to this point and i’m confident He will continue to do so.

one month of loving on my family and friends…

I left home when I was seventeen
I just grew tired of falling down

And the people who love me still ask me
When are you coming back to town
And I answer quite frankly
When they stop building roads
And all God needs is gravity to hold me down

alison krauss is always soothing to my soul.

7 thoughts on “leaving

  1. Congratulations Louissa. How exciting! You’ll be greatly missed…
    looking at all your fun times in NYC makes me miss the Sinclairs even more. Have a wonderful time:)

  2. hey, thanks …

    i like this entry. i’ve always been the son who’s “out on adventures,” but i can still relate to the feeling you describe. i think we go through phases, some of home-staying and some of travelling. the transition between is a mind-boggling one.

    enjoy it, though, right? 🙂

  3. if i had the money i’d be buying my ticket now to come visit. maybe somehow…will you be there over christmas? i would come and spend it with you….

  4. oh, okay. well, i’m glad you are, because i think if it were me i would find that insanely hard, too.

    see you soon, i hope.

  5. How very wonderful! It is totally okay for you to be the one to leave sometimes–um, just in case you needed my permission. What school will you be attending?

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