I’ve tried more of me
and i’ve come up dry

these last five months i’ve seen myself for who i really am.  and i’ve disliked it.  i tried, from looking within, to come up with something to defend myself with.  my aim has always been to be perfect and to have the truth revealed to me, that i’m the farthest thing from perfection, has not been easy.  it’s been a struggle.  a struggle to try to better myself so that i could see myself as a good person, but coming away disappointed and more frustrated, realizing that i can’t do it.

i’ve always known that Jesus loves me even if i sin, but really, i’ve always tried to earn it.  the idea of accepting a gift that i don’t deserve was too much for my little mind to handle and something i almost disliked.  oh, my pride!

but i’ve come to a point where all i can do is go on my knees and say how unworthy i am for what He’s given me.  i now know that i need Him.  i’m a sinner and there’s no way for me to change that unless i allow Him come and change my life.  His Spirit dwells within me and empowers me to overcome my flesh and yet i’ve tried on my own strength to do just that.

i’ve been a Christian for years and although i’m just learning this lesson now, He is patient and loving towards me.  He is my helper and my strength.  and that, my friends, is amazing.  i love Him.  so much.

i’m so satisfied
at the thought of You
growing up in me
covering everything