i stood between the two apartment doors in one of the most ghetto hallways in potsdam. i didn’t know which was the correct door and although the idea of calling someone to ask had entered my mind as i was driving, i assumed that the loud noise coming from the door would clue me in. unfortunately both apartments “7 1/2” and “9 1/2” were having parties and i found myself in a crux. a laugh clued me in on which door was correct and i hesitantly knocked.
i’ve been working on making these people my friends. i knew that it would be hard, that it would be work (when do people not equal time and energy?), that relationships might not be forged as quickly as i wanted, but i trusted that with time it would end up happening.
and it’s starting to.
i walked in and everyone started clapping. their were shouts of, “hey, louissa’s here!” and i’m sure there were some who whispered to their neighbor, “who is louissa?” i certainly found myself asking the same question many times during the course of the evening. i stood in a room where very loud music was being played, where there was a video game being played, and there were people everywhere. and i asked myself, “what am i doing here?”
i saw a quiet face that i recognized and asked him to remind me of who everyone was. funny that i was asking him — i just put a name and face together for him a few weeks ago.
i was handed a bowl of chili even though i had declined several offers. the cook said that i had to taste it and say how wonderful it was.
i found myself answering work related issues (when does this not happen?) and realized that i was confusing myself as well as the poor bass singer who just wants to sing tomorrow.
there was one missing and she urged a few others to go to campus and kidnap him from his homework. they left and he walked in a few minutes later commenting on how cold it is outside (he had walked from school). we called the kidnappers and said their ruse had bombed.
the boys smashed pumpkins with their heads while girls like me watched wondering what possesses college boys to do such strange things (and shockingly enough, i really don’t think it was because of the few girls who were there).
there were christmas songs that were played and a few hummed along with while two sat on the floor continuing with their video game.
many jokes were told and i felt that i lived up to my hair color when i had to ask the art major to explain some of them to me.
it was loud. it was crazy. it was a world i don’t know.
it was by far the strangest “party” i’ve ever gone to. but i felt like i was welcomed as one of “them” for the first time (although everything about my life screams that i’m not) and i was able to see a bit of their college lives — of them trying to make a home so far away from families. there were so many of them — many of those “clarkson boys” who i still don’t have a name for — and they all love each other so much. they allowed me into their circle tonight, allowed me to join in and start to get to know this crazy crowd.
and it was fun.