fresh portion

life throws curve balls.  i’ve always known this to be a fact but now i’m experiencing it as reality.  and it’s now, in the midst of being a recipient of a curve ball that i find myself curled up, grappling to gather the bits of my heart that are strewn about, and piece everything back together.

but back together doesn’t look how i thought it would.  my heart, once back together, will tell the tales of mend and repair; dreams that are never to be; the fragility of the human being.

i know all the answers and i know that someday i’ll look back on this as just a small event in the grand scheme of life — i’ve heard it all before and please, i don’t need a refresher right now.  as i lay and wonder what’s happening and why this and why that, all that’s coming to me is an email that i once wrote:

…I’m weak.  I need my daily bread.  I thought of the Israelites when they would try to gather enough mana for a few days.  Sometimes I try to gather enough at every “high” to get me through to the next.  But that’s not the way it works.  I need fresh mana, the Word for today.  Yesterday’s mana isn’t going to get me through today.  It was for yesterday.  I need the unique Freshness for today.

i had the grace i needed a few days ago.  i had it yesterday.  but today?  i’m grasping for an ounce of it.  i can remind myself of what i felt yesterday till i’m blue in the face, but at some point i need to experience the grace for today, for this moment.

He’s the Giver of Good Things and He gives abundantly.  and it’s with that grace that He gives everyday — just the right amount that i’ll need for that particular moment — i’ll start to pick up shattered dreams and hopes and feelings and a heart that’s raw and piece everything back together.

and someday i’ll look back and have a testimony to show of a mended world and the journey of finding Today’s Mana.  and i’ll be able to know that i faced this curve ball, managed to hit it, and kept on running.

One thought on “fresh portion

  1. Louissa – you were on my heart yesterday afternoon! I’m praying for you. I’m not sure what happened, but I can say that I know how you feel. I’ve been there. Multiple times. When we are finally able to step back and see through His eyes, we’ll be thankful…. soo thankful!

    Love you girl.

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