i’m finally home and i just started boiling water for noodles to settle the feeling of my stomach eating itself. my feet are sore, my mind is tired, and the idea of waking up to begin yet again another ordinary day is almost too monotonous for me to handle.
but i tell myself to not live from one event to the other, but to live each moment — each day — and savor what it has to give me. i tell myself to give thanks without ceasing and to see His work in each boring just-like-the-last-one day that i might have. and to not be in such a rush for the next best thing.
sunday night i left the sounds of the house (although they were lovely sounds of a guitar & ukulele and singing and laughter) and sat in the middle of our back yard. the dew covered grass soaked through my jeans but i didn’t mind. the fireflies danced about me and i gazed at the moon just wanting to be. i didn’t want to talk, i didn’t want to think, i just wanted peace.
the tears came soon and they weren’t really surprising. i told Him that i was bored, i told Him that i was done being patient, i told Him i was done trusting that there really is a next step to my life, but there was no answer that my life would radically change the second i got up. no, just the gentle reminder that His timing is better — that His ways are higher and the way to go.
right now i don’t see an end in sight to this season. i don’t have the next step mapped out, but i also know that the Israelites didn’t always have the Promised Land in their line of vision, but they continued on in faith and right now faithfulness is what i’m being called to.
i must be faithful with what His given me. i must be faithful where i’m at. and i must be faithful in my trust in Him and His plan for my future.
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Great entry Louissa…
I have felt that way before too.
You know… in this time that you are in, or season… don’t forget that you are effecting countless individuals with your worship leading on Sundays! You really do have an amazing voice and the way you lead worship is real, and everything that prophet said a few years back at your presbytery, that’s all really true!! About the worship leading that is, it reflects the heart of God.
Your entries are always great!
when I worked at Corning I sat for 8 hrs a day in front of a monitor and typed numbers. Thousands of numbers. Data entry was B double O Boring!! I had to put a sign up in my little cubicle that said “there is more to life than this” just to remind myself. Because it felt endless and monotonous and want-to-blow-your-brains-out boring!
That’s also where I received my first case of carpel tunnel … and I saw you mentioned that the other day. Corning had an Ergonomic team come and check out my work station … it was amazing! As soon as I adjusted the monitor, where the keyboard and mouse were … the pain left almost immediately and I could sleep again at night! Thought you might want to check this out … http://www.heal-naturally.com/ergonomics.html
Hope you don’t die of boredom in the season of life. It would be a horrible thing to have to write on your grave stone. Louissa – killed by a desk and a computer.
Oh, Louissa! You get to lead worship! I have wanted for many years to do that, but it hasn’t come yet.
Think of the things you *get* to do, not as though you *have* to do them. Sometimes that attitude can help you get through with a little more joy.
May His joy be your strength in your greatest need.
Hmmm… very interesting post. Yeah, sometimes life is hard, no, that is not true, actually life is often hard. The singles feel like little helicopters hovering over green pastures wondering, “will I ever land?” while the married folks wake up one morning wondering, “is this it?” feeling a bit trapped. Tying the knot is in fact tying the knot. People with good health complain about the heat and how long the work day is and unemployed people complain that they have no work. People in the limelight pine to sit unnoticed in the back and people in the back are longing to be in the limelight. So where is the peace He promised? Complete unabandoned yielding. Let Him drive the car, let Him choose the destinations, let Him decide what’s the best way of getting there. Yield. He never disappoints. Never. You’ve given your life to Him, He’s taken it and He wants you to yield, to trust. He’s a good guy and He likes you. I like you too.
the best part of my day?
when we’re sitting at our desks not saying a word to one another, listening to music, and conversations start that might seem random to other people but not to us.
when we take our allotted daily break on the back steps and talk in disjointed sentences that just. make. sense.
when you cry. or when i cry.
that i get to spend eight hours of the day with one of my favorite people in the world.
and that we when we take vacations from work sometimes we take them together.
those are the favorite parts of my days.