recently everyone has been asking what i’ll be doing in september.Â i hate being asked that because there is nothing that makes you feel like a bigger loser than having to say, “to be honest, i really don’t know.”Â most expect me to go to school and i say that i might — just not this fall since i’ll get home after school start.Â
recently someone asked me what i like to do.Â and i didn’t know.
she then asked me what my dreams were, even if unrealistic.Â and i didn’t know.
i find myself in a very odd place in life –Â i don’t want anything.Â and that just feels weird to me.Â i’ve always wanted something.Â i feel like apathy has replaced all the plans, dreams, and desiresÂ that i gave up and i’m not sure i like that.
today i woke up and wanted something.Â my simpleÂ want is as follows:
someday i’ll own every Patricia MacLachlan book.Â i’ll read through them once every year until i’ve memorized every word.Â and someday i’ll have a red-headed little girl of my own and she’ll spend rainy fallÂ afternoons curled up reading them as well.